Air Pollution A Boon For Business Says Sociopathic Businessman

A prominent US businessman – Greedy McGreedface – has come out strongly in support of air pollution. He said the growing air pollution crisis around the world, especially in countries with large populations such as India and China, was great news for business.

“As a businessman I’m always looking for new ways to sell people things. In the past I had to be content with selling people bottled water when their drinking water wasn’t safe to drink, and I made millions of dollars doing just that, but now I’ve been gifted an even bigger opportunity. I can actually sell people the air they need to breathe.”

McGreedface made his fortune with the company Plastic Water4U, selling water to communities that had their water supplies polluted by industry. To grow his business he embarked on a bold programme of setting up polluting factories next to rivers and lakes that were important water sources for populated areas so that he could increase demand for his product. The move was so successful that the magazine “Yeah I’m A Psychopath, Deal With It!” voted him businessman of the year in 2002 and 2008.

Since then Greedy had taken a step away from public life and retreated to his off-grid, sustainable ranch in Alaska to focus on hunting polar bears, but this opportunity was too much for him to resist.

“People can live without water for two days, but they can only survive for two minutes without air. Try holding your breath for longer than that, then do the math. I’m going to be double rich! People used to joke about one day someone would try and sell us the very air we breathe, and as usual it’s going to be me who has the last laugh.”

Selling Clean Air